in need of revival.

I've wanted to write for such a long time now. I have these increments of time where I want to write...but nothing comes to my mind.

OR. Everything comes to my mind. I want to tell it all. I want to share every story, every detail, every picture.

I ran a half-marathon two weeks ago. Worst.idea.ever. BUT. I survived. And I feel accomplished - even if I had to literally fall to get out of bed the next morning. Next step? Full marathon in April!

I haven't read my Bible in over a week now. This time last year, I couldn't get enough of the Word. I was completely lost if I didn't read several chapters a day. I began each morning with a Psalm + then went on from there.

I don't remember what it feels like to want God. Sitting in my comfy little apartment, do I really need God? Conviction tells me I do. I know in my heart I do. I need God. Yes, yes I do. However, do I daily act like I do? Not at all.

At the end of the World Race, I came home with the feeling of an authentic desperation. I was still very much desperate for the Lord. Crying out to Papa was so real, so close, so right.

But then I stopped.

I got busy.
I made excuses.
I made idols for myself.
I put coffee dates above the Lord.
I put my job above the Lord.
I put money above the Lord.
I put technology above the Lord.

+ that list goes on...

At first, I was terrified of silence. I was terrified to be alone in my apartment. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't be alone without being freaked out. I wasn't okay. My mind wasn't that of Christ's. I was in a bad place.

Now, I am begging for that silence to return.
I am begging for that passion to come back.
I am begging to be desperate again.
I want to want to be in Papa's presence.
I miss praying "Daddy, I love you. You are good..." + truly meaning it.

Way back last January, a dear friend of mine told me that she had received a word for me. That word was about the Word. She said that the Word was personal to me. I read and understood the Word of God as if He wrote it just to me. Each and every word, each and every letter, written specifically just for me.

Where did that go?

For 11 months straight, you probably wouldn't find me without my Bible. Right now, I'm not sure where it is. I think it's probably in the bag I took to church on Sunday...perhaps not.

December 17th - I will come home to my apartment, and my entire building will be empty. For 3 straight weeks, my building will be empty.

Oh Lord, thank You! I am anticipating such amazing alone time with Papa. I am praying for a revival of my soul.

I'm going to bed. When I wake up, Psalm 1 it is. :)