A Humbled Update

I want to write, and I will. I will write a lot more, soon.

Today is different. Today, I am writing an almost painful post. It shouldn’t be painful to read. It’s just a very…humbling…blog for me to write.

Let’s start here:

Wearing an Australia hoodie
on my 1st MIA trip! :)

Way back in the fall of 2007, I signed up for a mission trip with Olivet’s Missions in Action [MIA] organization. Loved it. Definitely set the trajectory of the rest of my life. After that trip, I was blessed with the opportunity to lead an MIA trip to Los Angeles.
 
These two trips influenced my decision to go on the World Race. I would not be doing what I’m doing and be who I am today if it weren’t for MIA trips through Olivet.

Why am I telling you this? Well, I am super excited to share with you that I have the incredible opportunity to lead an MIA Ambassadors’ trip to Australia this summer. My team of 5 students and I will head "down under" the last part of May and spend 6 weeks sharing the love of Christ.

We aren’t quite sure what we will be doing there yet, but that will all fall into place. Right now, we’re meeting [almost] weekly, hanging out, getting to know each other, and preparing our hearts for this trip.

We are also raising funds for this trip [this is the humbling part of this blog].
 
Each person on the trip needs to raise just under $4,000 in order to go. In the course of the next 3 weeks, we each need $2,400 in our accounts.
 

If you would like to support my ministry, team and the Missions In Action program directly, you may send a check made out to ONU here:

Samantha Allen
One University Avenue, Box 6128
Bourbonnais, IL 60914-2271

You may also make your donation online at http://programs.olivet.edu/mia/

ONU will designate these funds to the Australia MIA account under my name and mail you a receipt.

I would greatly appreciate your support as I work to lead and empower these students to do the Lord’s work in Australia this summer.

As always, prayers are GREATLY appreciated! We should never underestimate the power of prayer.

Thank you for reading this.
Thank you for supporting me.
Thank you for your prayers.
Thank you for your encouragement.
I could not do this without you!

Peace and Blessings,
~Samantha

Can't Shake It!

This might be the most spaghetti-brained of all my posts.

Sometimes, I have too much to say. Really.

Like the fact that I have recently become much more introverted than I used to be. Why is that? Is it age? Maturity? Or is it for another purpose... has Papa changed my personality? Maybe it's a tweak that needed to happen?

I'm angry. Again, this is definitely a righteous anger. Did you know that there are CURRENTLY 27 MILLION slaves in this world? TODAY. Yes. Right now. January 15, 2012. SLAVES.

That's NOT okay.

I want to do something about it. I want to be an abolitionist. I want to set the captives free. I cannot shake this. I cannot get those 27 million out of my head. Battling for them in prayer everyday.

I just don't know... I mean, I know that the Lord has placed me here for a season...but how long is that season? Did He take me around the world, give me passions to fight injustice, and then bring me back here so that I will only long to go out again? Does He want me to do something here? Does He want me to realize that this is a place that will be okay without me, but He needs me on the front lines? Does He want me to just stay here for a while longer because maybe I can help raise up His army here?

I just don't see what good I'm doing here right now. I envision brothel raids in Ukraine, hanging out at the bars in Thailand, doing the Banana Dance with rescued children.

Can I do that today? Or must I wait...

I feel so torn. If I stay here, I have a plan. I will be safe here. I will be comfortable. I can do ministry, yes. I can speak truth and life into the women surrounding me.

Am I just experiencing wanderlust + the fascination of "going," or is it a deeper desire? What happened to my passion to be here? What happened to that love of Res Life? Do I hate Res Life? No way. I still enjoy it, but the passion isn't the same anymore. I still love my RAs. Drew is spot on when he calls our RD team "dream team."

Am I just missing the close-knit community of The Q? or is it something deeper?

These are the questions I'm wrestling with right now... It's hard, but I know that God is still good. He is still in control.

Passion2012 was phenom. I can't explain it. Louie Giglio convinced me to get a Twitter. I'm part of a music vid -- that comes out Feb. 27th. Details about that will come SOON. SO pumped for it. #27million.

Since Passion2012, I've been praying Ephesians 6:19-20 ... my prayer sounds a little like this...

Papa, Whenever I speak, give me words so that I may fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel for which I am an ambassador in chains. May I declare it fearlessly as I should.

Life is good. God is great.

More ramblings to come soon...

in need of revival.

I've wanted to write for such a long time now. I have these increments of time where I want to write...but nothing comes to my mind.

OR. Everything comes to my mind. I want to tell it all. I want to share every story, every detail, every picture.

I ran a half-marathon two weeks ago. Worst.idea.ever. BUT. I survived. And I feel accomplished - even if I had to literally fall to get out of bed the next morning. Next step? Full marathon in April!

I haven't read my Bible in over a week now. This time last year, I couldn't get enough of the Word. I was completely lost if I didn't read several chapters a day. I began each morning with a Psalm + then went on from there.

I don't remember what it feels like to want God. Sitting in my comfy little apartment, do I really need God? Conviction tells me I do. I know in my heart I do. I need God. Yes, yes I do. However, do I daily act like I do? Not at all.

At the end of the World Race, I came home with the feeling of an authentic desperation. I was still very much desperate for the Lord. Crying out to Papa was so real, so close, so right.

But then I stopped.

I got busy.
I made excuses.
I made idols for myself.
I put coffee dates above the Lord.
I put my job above the Lord.
I put money above the Lord.
I put technology above the Lord.

+ that list goes on...

At first, I was terrified of silence. I was terrified to be alone in my apartment. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't be alone without being freaked out. I wasn't okay. My mind wasn't that of Christ's. I was in a bad place.

Now, I am begging for that silence to return.
I am begging for that passion to come back.
I am begging to be desperate again.
I want to want to be in Papa's presence.
I miss praying "Daddy, I love you. You are good..." + truly meaning it.

Way back last January, a dear friend of mine told me that she had received a word for me. That word was about the Word. She said that the Word was personal to me. I read and understood the Word of God as if He wrote it just to me. Each and every word, each and every letter, written specifically just for me.

Where did that go?

For 11 months straight, you probably wouldn't find me without my Bible. Right now, I'm not sure where it is. I think it's probably in the bag I took to church on Sunday...perhaps not.

December 17th - I will come home to my apartment, and my entire building will be empty. For 3 straight weeks, my building will be empty.

Oh Lord, thank You! I am anticipating such amazing alone time with Papa. I am praying for a revival of my soul.

I'm going to bed. When I wake up, Psalm 1 it is. :)

My kind of beautiful.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I've already been blessed by 3 Thanksgiving dinners + the actual "day" isn't until Thursday!

I have this thing. This thing that sometimes people don't believe or don't understand - which is super okay. I don't like nature. I mean, I'll go camping or hiking or play football outside, but nature ... just not my thing.

People are my thing.

You know how some people experience God in nature? I think that’s cool. If you are one of those people, props to you. If you and I saw the most beautiful sunrise in the history of time while sitting on a cliff on the most gorgeous mountain in the world overlooking the most majestic ocean, we would have very different reactions. You would be in awe of the creation. I would say, “That’s cool,” and watch you.

What?

Well… I “see God” in people. I get my fill from people. As awesome as creation such as sunrises and mountains and oceans are, I prefer creation such as people.

When I see a child, I thank God for this beauty. When I see an elderly woman, my heart races and I praise God for His creation. When I look at you, I see God’s fingerprints everywhere. Ahh. That’s where I get my fill. Definitely. Especially when Papa gives me a group of people gathered together. Wow. Cue the tears.

I had one of those teary-eyed "My God is so beautiful" moments last night. As I sat at the end of a long table in the McClain lobby, I was surrounded by RAs. The Nesbitt guys + Shelbi - along with Lincoln + Kristen - came over to McClain for a Thanksgiving dinner. My RAs were there. Everyone brought something for the meal - we had waaaaaay too much food. It was beautiful.

Pumpkins + tea lights decorated the center of the table. Conversations were everywhere. As I looked up from taking a bite of [delicious] pumpkin pie, I saw God. I saw His beauty. I saw His creativity.

The world was right. 

Everything about that moment was good. 

Papa reminded me that HE is good. 

HE loves me so very much. 

My beautiful RAs with Lincoln +  James in the back :)

HE has placed these amazing young men + women in my life for this season. 

I am beyond thankful for them.

I am beyond thankful for the honor of serving alongside of these individuals to do Kingdom work.

I am beyond humbled knowing that Papa loves me so much that HE gave me His favorites to do life with.

This morning as the RD team gathered together for our weekly meeting, we threw the agenda out the window. This morning was a time of thanksgiving. We went around the table and expressed our thankfulness to Papa for His provision, His faithfulness, and His blessings. We are a blessed people. Do we deserve what He gives us? Nope. Does He still do it anyway? Yep.

He's such a good Dad.

Oh. + I made these awesome brownie teepees I found on Pinterest. :)

Get up + Walk.

Wallowing.

I am SUCH a good wallower. It's so easy for me to tell others to get up + walk. Seriously. Stop wallowing. Get up + walk. You are healed. You are set free. Done.

I need someone to tell me that today. I need someone to tell me to get up + walk.

I love my job. I do. I love hanging out with college kids. I love going to weekly RD meetings. I love walking through the quad and watching people throw a frisbee, sit on the benches, or just pass through on their way to class or dinner. I love playing the globe game in the missions office. I'm an expert, ya know. 10 out of 10 every time. Now I'm working on cities...

I was sick this week. Unexpectedly. Severely. And by severely, I mean sicker than I remember being in a verrrry long time. Possibly even sicker than when I was confined to my bed on Easter. I called my mom to tell her I was dying. In not so many words, she told me to get up + walk.

Life post-college is rough. For as long as I can remember, I have had cookie-cutter friends. I don't mean that my friends are cookie-cutter, but they were always there. I never had to make friends. From kindergarten until high school graduation, I had built-in friends in my classmates and sports teammates. College, the girls on my floor, my RA teams, and a few oddballs I met along the way = instafriends. I would say that some of these friends will be my friends for life. Easy.

World Race = more instafriends. You have to live with each other, might as well love each other. Yes, that sounds SUPER cynical. I'm over it. I did love my teammates + the rest of the Q. I still do.

Now...my college friends are all over the country. World Race friends? Forget all over the country - try all over the WORLD.

It's not bad. It's just different. And new. I'm at a different point of life than the people surrounding me. + that's really okay. As I said in an earlier post, I have big dreams. + I know I have to wait for those to be fulfilled.

I'm really good at running. Not in the "I'm training for a 1/2 marathon that I have to run in 2 weeks" way. I'm good at running away. I run away when things get tough. I run away when things are really good - it's in those moments I believe that I will mess it up. Instead of messing up, I decide to run.

A family who, over the past 4 years, has become my family recently announced they are moving at the end of the school year. After their announcement, I asked for permission to run away now. Permission not granted. Oh well. I'm tired of running anyway. I'm still learning how to stay. How to be content in the now.

In other news, my beautiful RA, Shelbi, was crowned Homecoming Queen this week. We all knew she had it in the bag. She's seriously an amazing woman of God. Super blessed to have her in my life. This is a picture of some of the lovely ladies who live on her floor.

This blog is a fun-sucking blog. I'm okay with that. Tomorrow will be better. Tonight = a night with Fran + coming home to ice cream + Mrs. Doubtfire.

Dating a Cool Kid + Other Ramblings.

I’ve always wanted to date a cool kid. For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to date a cool kid. 

My idea of a cool kid? Those people who hang out/work at coffee shops. Similar to Taylor the Latte Boy [click here to listen]. The facial hair, tight [but not too tight] jeans, plaid, scarves, Toms, etc....

Even more than wanting to date one, I wanted to be one. I wanted to be that girl who hangs out in coffee shops with friends who are dressed way too cool for me. You know, the dresses, the sweaters, the layers, the leggings, the boots, the Toms, the hair … the stereotypical coffee shop baristas + dwellers.

I have a friend who I put into this stereotype. It’s really not a bad thing. In fact, she may hate me for placing her in this category. She knows how much I love her. I once told her that without the World Race, I would have never talked to her. She was way too cool for me. She looked like one of those girls who I wanted to hang out with but would never actually talk to. PTL for the World Race. She is now such a dear friend.

This time last year, I was in Thailand – my absolute favorite country on the World Race. In fact, I often ask God why I am in America right now when I could easily be in Thailand. Many people who knew my life in Thailand last year are surprised I am not there today…

I have big dreams about the cities of America. Papa has placed HUGE desires in my heart. He has promised me so much. It’s hard. It hurts. I want to GO now. BUT I know that He’s not ready for me to go now.

This weekend it hit me… I am YOUNG. I guess with the responsibility I have in my current job, the fact that I had a lifetime’s worth of experience in just 11 short months, and my inability to comprehend age + what that even means, I have forgotten that I am young.

The things the Lord has promised me, coupled with my deepest desire to serve Him, I am just not prepared for. I am just a baby. He wants me to see things first. He wants me to learn more first. THEN I will get what has been promised to me.

Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know I am God.”

I’ve heard/read it a few trillion times. Each time, the Lord teaches me something new. This time around?

Be still – stay where you are. Do not be anxious about leaving so soon. I have you right where I want you.

Know I am God – I do not break my promises. Have I promised you good things? You will receive good things. Have I promised to fulfill your big dreams? You will see the fulfillment of those when I want you to see it.

Long term plans:

1)      Make my way back to Thailand.

2)      Win back the cities of America.

3)      Marry a cool kid.

Oh. + I get to spend next summer in Australia leading a team of 5 phenom college students. More about that to come…

..::spaghetti, anyone?::..

Let me take you back [almost] 6 years ago.

 
I sat in the back row of my Senior Communications class [which may or may not have been my favorite class in High School --- but I would never want my teacher to know that]. We discussed waffle vs. spaghetti brains.

Let me tell you ... I am 100% spaghetti + proud of it. I can easily change subjects within sentences. I can also follow all of the conversations of my grandma, mom, aunts, sisters, and cousins --- who all, because they are Larimores, are 100% spaghetti as well.

So... with my spaghetti brain overloading today, I decided to let you in on my current thoughts.

In 17 days I will step foot in America.

In 17 days I will say goodbye to the people who have become my friends/family over the past 11 months.

In 18 days, I will be greeted at O’Hare by my DAD! I cannot wait to run into his arms. [I'm hoping to get a reaction like this one...minus the fact that I'm not that little].

In 18 days, I will see my family.

In 19 days, I will move into my apartment and begin work.

In 19 days, I will not see any member of The Q.

In 19-20ish days, I will have a cell phone. Eek! At least it will be good to receive sick-texts from Amber, call Jenny when I feel the need to beat-box & want a rapper, and hear the voices of The Q when needed.

I will not wake up with at least 4-5 other people in the same room.

Getting ice cream on a daily basis might not be super acceptable.

I will hear American English everyday. + it won't be the same 4 voices all the time...

After a year of only hearing my full name, "Samantha," I'm not sure how well I will adjust to people at home calling me "Sammy" or "Sam." I definitely prefer Samantha...

In-person concrete slabs will be very rare.

I do not have any clothes at home. I may or may not have donated all of them before I left on the trip…

I really want a puppy.

I think I want to “pay it forward” with The World Race. I’m thinking about financially supporting a racer, adopting a squad [reading their blogs, praying for them, cheering them on, etc.], or becoming a professional blog commenter [I know how much racers love to receive blog comments].

I cannot wait to see my plant, Oscar, & find out just how much he's grown since I've been gone...

God is so faithful. He is so good.

I cried today --- I laugh now thinking how stupid of a statement that is. Crying is not an unusual occurrence for me.

Why did I cry?

The end of the Race hit me. It’s really coming. It’s really near.

That might have been a lie. Well, not completely. It did really hit me. and I did cry.

However.

The tears came through the realization of how intricate this plan is that God created just for ME.

I received an email from my boss. He said the same thing I have been thinking for a while now… “It’s hard to believe in just a few short weeks you’ll be the Resident Director for McClain.”

When did that happen? When did I become an RD and not just an RA?

God’s hand is definitely ALL over this one. The way that the World Race was the perfect timing for me to go explore the world & fall in love with my Savior before going back to ONU, the way the internet at the Ugandan café came on at the exact moment I needed to call in for my skype interview, the way that I am returning to America just in time to move in and begin work….and the list goes on.

I am way too blessed. God is good. I have seen His goodness all over the world. + He’s not done with me yet.

Ahh. I’m excited about life right now!

... there you have it. my stream of consciousness. my current thoughts. ahhhh!

oh. & my spaghetti brain just decided that you should probably see a picture of the person I miss the most right about now... my little man, my brother, Nicky B.

Peace & Blessings,
Samantha